In discussing our home remodeling project with a friend, she remarked that I receive with such grace. I know I’ve been overflowing with gratitude and often amazement, but grace?
I didn’t feel particularly graceful as I cried big sloppy tears yesterday when I was driving alone. What crossed my mind is that receiving is hard. That thought felt instantly ridiculous as I realized I’ve mostly been walking around in my PJs finding someone a tape measure or listening to their stories or looking up information online or telling someone that of course I’ll tell the next worker to raise the little piece of thingy just 3/4inch to make something something possible. Got it.
I panicked the other night, not particularly graceful, when I realized that Aidan would be recovering from surgery soon in our room and the chair he will be able to sit in doesn’t fit through the doorway and he won’t be able to bear weight and I most certainly cannot lift him and be gentle at the same time. We’ve always made do, necessity is the mother of invention and all that, but this time I couldn’t see a solution. I shared this with Sue and she looked at me with the most calm expression and said, “Yes, I know that. I’ve already planned for that. This door will be widened while you’re at the hospital.”
So the relief and the truth hit me several hours later as I was driving in my van crying big tired sloppy tears. We’re receiving so much more than donations and wide doorways and sloping floors and community coming together; this is a chance for me to have the freedom to be a better mom. I can focus on what matters.
Aidan is going into the hospital on tuesday for surgery. His recovery will be a task unlike anything we’ve done before. I’m ready. I’ve been telling everyone that my favorite part of this project is that because the needs are so diverse, everyone has something to give. In this moment, I have the freedom to give myself fully to Aidan’s medical care and comfort knowing that progress on the house will continue, workers will be fed, decisions will be made.
So with grace, I hold this most precious gift in a sacred space, knowing I couldn’t make it happen for myself and that this journey is all the more valuable for being done together.